Sunday, April 27, 2014

6 NIGERIAN ARTISTES WHO HAVE NO BUSINESS SINGING

Just like any music industry in the world, Nigerian music industry has its fair share of money-miss-road, don't-have-any-business-with-music musicians. They have the money, the connection, the effizy and what-not but not the talent or training in music to make a mark in the industry. The God given talent is not just there. We advise the following to kindly stop music and invest their time and money on other activities; 



In pole position is B.RED, this is heavily contested but B-Red takes the cake and the icing; There is hardly a show by Davido that B.Red doesn't play the hype-man or do back up singing . Even though Davido has a cracked voice, he still makes hit tracks, that does not mean B.Red too will get lucky. He has tried severally to use his good looks and clean videos to impress us, but Nigerians are having none of that. He does not have the fan base or attitude that an artiste is suppose to have. At an event in Ibadan sometimes in 2013, B.red was booed off the stage at Club GQ. To buy the crowd back, he offered to give the best Skelewu dancer N150,000 as an “Omo Baba Olowo”; a student of Lead City University offered to dance and for the first time on that night, this amateur dancer had the crowd cheering; something B.red could not do. When it was time to pay, B.red’s said“Make we see later, abeg no vex” …. What a d**k head you will say.  Suggested occupation - VIDEO JOCKEY (VJ) 




MAHEEDA is a good entertainer, no doubt. She happens to be the first known Nigerian female to go stark nude in her music videos. This unwholesome stunt does not make her a musician though, sadly. Mahida, your fans are tired of the teasing and are desperate to watch your indecency, see you get f**ked in all style and direction. We will expend a 100MB of data on your indecency online but downloading 2MB of your song is just waste of time, data and good money. Honestly, we prefer going through your nudes on instagram than hearing you sing. We hope you can use your influence to invite Brazzers (Worlds #1 Indecency site) over and shoot a real hardcore indecency in Nigeria. Do not let your twitter followers fool you, we are not anticipating your album and they only tell you that that so you can retweet. I advise you open a site where we can register and pay to f*ck you or see you get fu**ed. You will make millions in a month than in your singing career.  Suggested occupation – IndecentStar  



SKUKI; This might seem a little harsh but these brothers are not getting something right. Their last hit track “Banger” was released in 2011, sadly they have no follow up songs. Skuki as a brand is okay, but Skuki as musicians is whack. Everytime I play their songs at parties, I have people who have been dancing for hours sit down. Pretty annoying you will say, that is the reason they are on this list and I assure you that their absence from the music scene will not be felt as they are even yet to make an impact after so many collaborations and singles to their name.  Suggested occupation - FASHION DESIGNERS 



QUEEN URE; For all those who do not know her, she is the ex-wife of talented and handsome musician Soul E, who was 11 years younger and instead of being a teacher,helper and mentor to this young lad, she used her influence to block him from sponsors and unsettled him. Sources say the frustration led Soul E to become a prophet of doom; remember his prophecy about Wizkid and Davido? 
Queen Ure was never into music, howe after running Soul E down, the shameless old hag now decided it was time to start a career in music. Watching her music video or listening to her songs, she does not have the voice, body, looks or anything that has to do with music. My dear, Queen Ure, The money you wasted on music videos, studio time and online promo can sponsor JAMB, NECO, WAEC and NECO for 100 students. Please stop music today and help save a life !!!  Suggested occupation -HairDresser



ARTQUAKE from back in the days just average boys with average singing talent. They managed to release few hit tracks, they never made it to the A-List. The reason is not far fetched, they were not talented in the first place. From the way they look now, we can see they have become family men with wives and children but they have refused to give up singing for reasons best known to them. They have no voice, no writing skill and more annoying is that after releasing a useless song, they now cover it up with a super clean video. Despite having been around for over ten years, they don't have single sold out concert, release an album  worth buying. This year, they remixed “Abule lawa” a song that brought them to limelight back in 2004. If you ask me, that is a wrong move. It simply shows you are still trying to revive old glory.  Suggested occupation – ACTORS  



D PRINCE MAVIN, he has no business being a musician but for his brother,Don Jazzy, we would have been saved the agony of having to listen to him. Have you listened to the song he did with Yemi Sax in 2008? It is titled Beremole,visit Youtube and search for it, if you haven't. If you still think, he has business singing, it means you have more issues than the Kardashians .  If a musician needed him  on a song and his brother is not in the country, such musician must wait till the Don is back to instruct Prince on how to go about it. 

“Music was never on my top 100 to-do list”, he admitted this in a recent interview. He has the looks and the endorsement but music is definitely not his calling??  Suggested occupation - MODEL  

YOU DECIDE  What is the name of that artiste you thought or hoped I mentioned. Please drop a comment here or tweet at me on @BADDESTDJTIMMY


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